Aug 314 min read

Beyond Friending: The Simple Joy of Making Real Friends

Lately, I’ve been thinking about “friending.”

These days, when we friend someone, it usually means adding them on social media.

But remember when “friending” someone was about building real, meaningful connections? When a friend meant and only meant- “a person you like and enjoy being with?”

We use “friending” on social media as if we’re taking action towards building relationships. But clicking a button isn't the same as truly connecting —which is what we human beings truly crave.

From the moment we are born, we are social creatures who thrive together, and fail in isolation. Study after study reports data that quantifies the effect of loneliness and isolation on our levels of happiness, mental wellbeing, sense of purpose and longevity. Science backs up what we already know to be true:

We need each other.

It's ironic, isn't it?

Here we are, more connected than ever with our technology and devices. We have access to billions of people around the planet within seconds, at virtually no cost. And yet, we are experiencing a global epidemic of loneliness.

According to a Meta-Gallup survey of more than 140 countries, nearly one in four people worldwide feels lonely. That translates into more than 1 billion people. That’s billion with a Big ol’ “B.” That is ....staggering!

I get it, everyone is busy. With Labor Day here, and fall around the corner, back to school, work, college, holidays … the pace is about to get even more frenzied.

So, what do we do?

In our frenetic, plugged in world,

We have to be more conscious and more intentional about

reaching out and nurturing our relationships.

It seems obvious, of course. But building and maintaining stronger relationships takes intention and attention and, most of all, action.

So here’s a simple little challenge I’ve made to myself:

At least one meaningful connection each day.

A “meaningful” connection can be a get- together or a conversation with another. But it can also be a quick, personalized text or video message, a handwritten note. The key is to be intentional about communicating in a personalized, meaningful way. How long does it take to let someone know you're thinking of them? It doesn't require a lot of time. It can take less than a minute...but it does require intention and action.

Simple but Cool Ways to Check In with Your People:

Text check-ins: My friend Jane sends me a few texts a week, with lovely little updates about the deer eating the hostas in her backyard, or how the kitchen remodel is coming along. We banter back and forth like this for a while, then plan a FaceTime call to truly catch up.

Voice-texts: Voice messages are even more personal. Tim and I leave our friends “Happy Birthday”messages via voice-text, which they love and often (to our slight mortification) save. Apparently, our heartfelt enthusiasm, undeterred by our slightly off-key pitch, brings about a smile - which is always the goal of the call in the first place.

Calls While Driving: hands-free calls are great for catching up. And there’s nothing like having a buddy to keep you company while you’re commuting or running errands. Just be safe!

Personalized videos: sending a short video of yourself expressing gratitude, or sharing a moment can be a lot more meaningful than a simple text. I received a lovely little thank you gift from a friend, and sent her a 22 second video that Tim took of me opening up her gift, capturing the surprise and delight on my face. She loved it so much that she sent me a video of her thanking me for the thank you of me thanking her!

Video calls — During the pandemic, two of my very best friends and I started a weekly ZOOM call. We’ve kept it up for years and look forward to seeing each other every week, no matter where we are in the world.

Handwritten notes: There’s something special about receiving a heartfelt, handwritten note in the mail, isn’t there? My friend Doreen sometimes sends me little notes on beautiful stationery, and they always make me smile. This last one included sweet little corgi-shaped post-it notes, because they reminded her of our beloved corgi mix, Gunther. Whenever I use one of her puppy-shaped notes, I feel a little extra hit of happy.

Make Real Plans: Don’t just say, “We should get together.” I know, I’m guilty of this too.” Instead, set a specific date and time. My friend, Eileen, is excellent at this. With everyone’s busy lives, we can sometimes go for months without a conversation. Then she’ll text available dates with an invitation, “Hey, are you and Tim available to get together for a ride on the boat?” (YES PLEASE!) By offering specific dates, you send a more intentional message of “You’re important to me. Let’s not just talk about it. Let's put time on the calendar and actually do this!”

None of this is rocket science. You’re probably doing some of these things already. The key is to be more intentional, more conscious, more consistent about nurturing our friendships.

After all, in a world of cursory likes and friend requests, true friendships and meaningful connections are what really make us happy.

Happiness Practice:

Is there someone you’ve been thinking about but haven’t reached out to in a while?
How can you connect with them today?

Are you up for joining me in a 5-Day Challenge?

Reach out to one person you care about each day in a personalized, meaningful way—text, call, video, or note—and see how it feels.
Notice the responses you get and how these connections impact both of you.

Bonus points if you set a date to talk or meet up.

Let me know how it goes!

Drop me a line at susanhall@decidehappy.com, or schedule time with me via the contact button on my home page. I always love our conversations—meaningful connections make me happy!