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*Scroll down and click the link for a video packed with more tips to get unstuck!!
You know, I don't regret the experiences I've had in my life, even the toughest ones - because they've made me who I am today.
But I sure regret staying there too long.
Throughout my life and career as a performance consultant and coach, I’ve often observed, and personally experienced, the One Thing that most often keeps us stagnant and stuck.
Ready for it?
What often keeps us stuck in one place for too long is The Fine Zone.
If you are not entirely happy, does that mean you’re miserable?
If you are not completely miserable, does that mean you’re happy?
I’m guessing you answered both of these questions with a resounding, “No.”
There is this vast space in the middle of those two extremes, isn't there?
That’s The Fine Zone.
Now, it’s perfectly fine to feel “fine.”
In fact, it’s desirable to feel “fine.”
And, of course, you're welcome to hunker down in Fine for as long as you want. But staying in The Fine Zone for too long can come with A Lot of Wasted Time and a Whole Heap O’ Regrets. When we stay there too long, we tend to find ourselves meandering closer to Not So Fine, spending more time and energy spinning over questions like:
Is this it? Is this all there is?
Shouldn’t I be farther ahead by now?
Shouldn’t I be something more?
Is this as good as it gets?
Am I wasting my gifts?
Shouldn’t I be happier… in this job, situation, relationship?
What the h*ll is wrong with me, anyway?!
When you find yourself starting to ask these questions - that's a warning sign.
I’ve wasted way too much time camped out in The Fine Zone, not moving or taking action.
My first work experience after college was a "good job." I made good money, had a company car, an expense account, worked with nice people. There was only one problem: I wasn't happy. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't awesome either.
It was.... fine.
I probably stayed there a good 3-4 years of my life longer than I should have, until I wasn't fine anymore. I was miserable.
So, how do we get ourselves out of the Fine Zone?
Get some clarity
Take some time to reflect on what you really want. Jot your thoughts down in a journal. Take the dog for a walk, clear your head, and ask yourself, "What do I like?" "What am I good at?" "What's important to me in a career, a relationship, health, etc.?" Keep asking the questions and trust that you'll get the answers.
Stop the "I don't know what I want" and "I can't" loops.
Years ago, when I was looking to make a career change, I kept telling myself, "I don'tknowwhatIwantIdon'tknowwhatIwant."
And guess what? I didn't know what I wanted.
In our achievement-driven culture we think we need to have things figured out right away. Give yourself some grace and time to figure things out. Allow yourself some breathing room to evolve and change. Give yourself permission to explore and learn and dream.
Start adding this 3-letter word to your vocabulary: "yet."
"I just haven't figured it out...yet."
"I don't know how to do that...yet."
By using "yet," you tell your brain that you will figure it out in time. You just aren't there...yet.
Are you visualizing yourself stuck? Shift your focus and visualize yourself in the situation, career, relationship you want. Olympic athletes don't visualize themselves crashing and burning. They visualize themselves standing on that podium, medal around their neck, listening to their country's national anthem.
That's you! Superstar!
Remember the power of Who over How
Who are your resources? Who has done what you want to do? Who can you learn from? When I wrote Decide Happy, I had never written a book before. I had never published a book before. But I knew someone who had. And they knew three someones who had. Within a few weeks of talking with these people, I had the wisdom and insight I needed to publish the exact book I wanted - within a fraction of the time. Let me tell you, trial and error is not all it's cracked up to be!
Let's say you want to feel more healthy and vibrant. Is there a Who over How who has done this before who you can learn from?
Maybe you're interested in making a career move into a new field. Who do you know who is doing this? Or perhaps you know someone who knows someone who is in the field and can help guide you.
Take Action.
Nothing gets us unstuck faster than taking action. In fact, SPOILER ALERT: it's the only thing that will. And you don't need to take a huge leap. Is there one fast, small, doable action you can take right way? Don't overthink this! Overthinking delays action and keeps us stuck longer.
Now sometimes, of course, the circumstances of life are such that, for Many Excellent Reasons, we can't make a move...yet. My neighbor is putting three kids through college, so the timing is just not right for him to leave his corporate job to strike out on his own. When that happens, and we need to stay put for awhile, we can find ways to create more happiness now.
"The secret of getting ahead is getting started."
- Sally Berger
See Me in Action!
If you want more tips on getting unstuck - check out this webinar I did with my friend Maurice, where we pack in tips and skills for getting unstuck and moving from Fine to Fabulous!
Stay Strong and Kind,
Susan
Happiness Practice
Is there an area of your life where you feel "stuck?"- A job, relationship, health, finances...?
Ask yourself this daily question- "What's important to me... in a career, relationship, etc." until you get clarity.
If you're stuck in an "I can't" loop- switch to, "I just haven't figured it out...yet." Visualize yourself where you want to be. Don't keep seeing yourself stuck!
Remember the power of Who over How. Who has done what you want to do, who you can learn from?
Take action - what's just one small, do-able action you can take towards your goal? Don't overthink it. Do it fast before you talk yourself out of it!
Decide Happy is now available in paperback, e-Book, and Audio, wherever books are sold, including Amazon.
Interested in bringing Susan and Decide Happy to your organization to help your team feel more positive, calm, and strong in a crazy world?