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Tim and I just returned from a two week holiday in Japan.
It was well worth the 4 year wait, the 20+ hours it took us to get there, and the 14-hour time difference. Almost immediately, we fell in love with the beauty, the rich history and culture, and the quirkiness of the country.
So, when friends ask us upon our return, “What was the highlight of your trip?,” we have to think hard. There were so many.
There were countless cultural surprises, adventures, nuances and delights that make travel one of the best educations available.
With its juxtaposition of deeply rooted traditions and pop culture, Japan is unique. After all, it’s the birthplace of Geisha and Samurai, where 1000-year old Buddhist temples and Shinto shrines are nestled alongside skyscrapers and neon.
We pick out beautifully prepared bento boxes at the train stations and ride the Shinkanjen (Japan’s bullet train) at 220 mph. We eat our lunches with chopsticks as Mt. Fuji, snowcapped and surreal, glides by in the background.
We walk the steps of the 10,000 Tori gates. (Click below to walk with me!) We sit respectfully at a Buddhist fire ceremony, stroll through jewel-like landscaped gardens, place our hands into the immense concrete palm prints of Sumo wrestlers, which dwarf our fingers by several inches.
And then there’s the quirkiness.
“What’s with all the Kit Kat candy?,” I ask Mac, our fantastic Tokyo guide, noticing walls of the multi-colored candy in every convenience market we pass by. It turns out that “Kit Kat” sounds a lot like the Japanese phrase "kitto katsu" which roughly translates to "you will surely win," thus making it the most delicious of good luck charms. Some smart marketing guy at Nestle’ jumped all over this and now the ubiquitous candy is given to students before exams, or to a colleague upon the start of a new job. There are over 100 flavors, introduced seasonally- including soy sauce, ginger, wasabi and matcha tea (Scroll down to see a few of the flavors- most of which kind of defeat the definition of “candy” in my book!)
Then there are the “Gachapon” machines. There must be thousands of these strangely addictive capsule-toy machines, spread across the city, randomly situated next to ramen shops, shrines, and souvenir stores. I drop in my 100 yen for the third time, turn the knob, still holding out hope for the Sake Cat. Rats - the smiling pink pixie again. Well, maybe next time…
Our guide takes us down narrow streets strung with lanterns, to find the best ramen and udon shops, which often seat just sit 4-5 people. We place our order at a pushbutton machine, take our ticket, then walk outside and stand in line with the businessmen in their dark suits and ties, checking their watches every few minutes to ensure they have enough time to wolf down their noodles and get back to work.
And all the while, there is not a speck of litter or graffiti anywhere.
So, how to answer that wonderful travel question,
“What was the highlight of the trip?”
Out of all the wonderful, strange and magical experiences, what stands out most for me is actually quite simple, even mundane. Because what touched me deeply, what I will remember most - is the civility of the Japanese people.
Their manners, politeness, the relentless respect they extended to us and to one another.
Every encounter we have is characterized by a quiet courtesy and gentle enthusiasm. And not just from the hospitality staff at our hotels.
The lady behind the counter at the 7-Eleven who chases after me down the block because I dropped a coin.
At Shibuya Crossing, the world's busiest intersection – Tim and I, along with 3000 other pedestrians, cross several lanes of traffic when the light changes. The air is buzzing with neon and energy and excitement, but no one shoves or pushes another.
Not one driver honks their car horn.
The school children we meet while touring the sites, who swarm us like tiny, well-mannered paparazzi in bright yellow hats, excited to practice their English with us, thanking us with a hurried bow and the gift of a small, origami paper bird.
And everywhere, without exception, they acknowledge us with a gentle nod of the head, and greet or leave us with a sincere Arigato gozaimasu! Thank you very much.
The Japanese are known for being quiet, courteous, respectful. Collective good manners are what have made co-existing possible in this small country. In a country where millions of people living on an island smaller than the size of California - but with 3 times the population, rules and manners are not optional.
They are required.
Respect, dignity, manners have become part of the very fabric of the culture, taught at a young age, to keep order and peace.
Every county and every culture has their issues, of course.
Japan is no exception.
They have been in a near 30-year economic recession. The stress of their legendary 10-11 hour work days takes its toll in all kinds of ways.
Group harmony is the foundation of Japan's cultural values, where individuals prioritize the collective good over personal ambition. The upside of this is a heightened consideration of others. But there’s always a downside. Miko, our guide in Osaka, shares that the weight of traditional hierarchy and power of unquestioned seniority is crushing initiative and creativity, dramatically increasing tension between the old ways and the new.
Japan is changing. As America and the world are changing. As we all must change, to adapt, and adjust.
But I think we can learn from each other.
So here’s what I’ve learned and what I’m taking from this magical adventure.
I am doubling down on civility.
I am focusing even more intentionally on respect, and showing kindness to others. Listening before jumping in, waiting a beat to let another in front of me, taking a breath and making eye contact, appreciating and acknowledging the dignity of tasks done with caring by the people performing them.
The other day at the grocery store, shopping for our evening meal, I gave an especially enthusiastic greeting to the lady working behind the bread counter. She started in surprise and then a smile warmed her face.
To the young man cleaning up a spill in aisle 4, I said, “Thank you for cleaning this up. Someone could have had a nasty fall.” “You’re welcome,” he responded. “You have a blessed day.”
To the security guard at the entrance door. “Have a wonderful holiday.”
“Mmph,” he grunted in response.
Well, 2 out of 3 isn’t so bad.
I’ll keep practicing.
What if we all practiced civility, respect, manners, just a little more often?
What difference do you think that this might make in your life,
in your community, in our world?
If we all practiced civility just a little bit more, Kitto Katsu — we would all surely win.
🎁 Give the gift of less stress and more joy this holiday season! 🎁
Decide Happy is the perfect gift for friends and loved ones who want a little more peace and happiness in their lives.
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