Wish Them Well: Letting Go of Anger to Make Room for Joy

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored

than to anything on which it is poured.”

-Mark Twain

My friend Terry travelled cross-country last month to celebrate her parents’ 60th wedding anniversary.

It was A Very Big Deal.

“We’d been planning it for months,” she told me over lunch. “My entire family was coming in from all over the country.”

On the drive to the airport the day before her parents' party, Terry felt the driver bring the car to an abrupt stop. She looked up from her phone to a sea of red lights in front of her. Her Uber driver shrugged his shoulders, as perplexed as she was by the stop.

Ten minutes went by.

“I wasn’t too concerned because I had given myself plenty of time,” she said. “But then I heard the medi vac helicopter.”

Another 15 minutes went by.

Then another 25,  without them moving so much as an inch through the parking lot that was I-95.

Finally, after close to two hours in traffic, and several frantic phone calls to her airline (hers was the last flight out of the day), the car started moving again. The driver had barely stopped at the curb when she dashed out and raced into the airport. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw the security line, which was a chaotic bottleneck of slow-moving passengers.

But Terry persisted.

“Excuse me,” she said breathlessly to the person in the back of the line,””Would you mind if I jumped in front of you because I’m late for my flight?" One by one, she asked the people waiting in line, who very graciously allowed her to cut in front of them.

Until That One Guy.

“Excuse me," said Terry, desperate. “If you’re not in a rush would you mind if I….”

“No.” The man cut her off sharply.

“But I’m late for my flight because the tra…

“Lady, you've got some nerve," he interrupted, giving her a nasty look . “That's your problem. Not mine.”

With that, the man rudely turned his back on Terry and popped his earbuds in.

“I finally got through security and ran the whole way,” she told me. "Somehow, miraculously,  I made it to the gate just as they were closing the door. But when I finally got my seat, my heart was beating out of my chest. I was so angry! I sat there in my seat for almost an hour —just fuming at how rude this guy was. It was so unnecessary.”

“But then it hit me. I’d been looking forward to this trip for months. I’d already let this jerk steal an hour of my life. Did I really want to give up any more of my time to him?”

So, as Terry munched on her miniature snacks, she made a decision.

“I let go of that anger right then,” Terry said.

“Smart,” I said. “How did you do it?”

“I took a deep breath and exhaled the anger. And then, I wished him well,” she said.

Wish them well.

I love that.

How much lighter, kinder, happier would we be if we took the high road and wished them well?

That rude driver who cut you off? Wish them well.

That person at the table next to you at the restaurant who yelled, unprovoked, at your kids? Wish them well.

That toxic person in your life who hangs onto every little hurt or injustice from countless years ago? Wish them well.

Let me be clear - letting go of anger doesn’t mean tolerating or condoning the wrongs that were done to you. On the contrary, it means freeing yourself from their grip. When you choose to forgive and wish others well, you release the power they hold over you.

I read an interesting little quote on social media the other day,

A monk once said:

“Imagine being bitten by a snake, and instead of focusing on healing from the poison, you chase the snake to understand why it bit you and to prove that you didn't deserve it.”

Anger is literally “poison” to our bodies. Even if you are justified in your anger and you didn’t deserve the treatment dumped on you, the person who gets hurt the most by your anger - is you.

Anger never solves any problem or worry. It just causes more stress.

And, as science tells us, holding onto anger not only impacts our daily sense of happiness and well-being, it also causes disturbances in our sleep, weakens immune function, increases risk of depression, as well as cardiovascular problems. Plus, clinging to anger makes you sullen and crabby. And who wants to be around that?

I remember having a conversation with a woman lamenting about her ex-husband. Her face screwed up in anger and her shoulders drew up around her ears – the anger and pain still very real and present in her mind and body.

”I'm so sorry. When did all this happen?” I asked.

“Twenty-three years ago,”she spat. "I'll never forgive him.”

Twenty -three years!

That's a long time to let anger poison your days and steal your joy.

I wonder how much more joyful those twenty-three years might have been for her, if only she had let that anger go…and wished him well.

Letting go of anger and wishing them well isn’t just about them.

It’s about reclaiming your own peace of mind and allowing yourself to live your life with a greater sense of calm, peace, and with a clear heart.

Stay strong. Stay kind.

Wish them well.

With so much love,

Susan

Happiness Practice:

• Are you hanging on to anger? How much time have you wasted letting this anger fester?

• No matter how justified you might be, what is clinging to anger costing you?

• If you are harboring anger towards someone close to you, what if you forgave them?

• What if you wished them well and decided to mean it sincerely?

• How might releasing anger free you up to feel more joy, contribute more, do more, be more?

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